Substitute Teaching

Glorified Babysitting.

Now let me tell you what I really think.

I am done student teaching and am now waiting to get all the necessary documentation to become a real life teacher, so I am keeping my options open to fill my 'in the meantime'. So I became a 'certified' substitute teacher in a school district near where I live. Becoming a substitute teacher is literally easier than grocery shopping. You don't even need to be interviewed. There are two steps.

1. Fill out three pages of work and school history and contact information.

2. Attend an orientation meeting.

With no regulations, no wonder it attracts so many weirdies. I was one of those students who hated substitutes unless it was math and then I was glad to have a free day. We all know that's what a sub means. Free day of movie, worksheet and napping. This is exactly what is not wanted by the teacher, school and district, but it just happens anyway.

I will be honest and say that I definitely was not the model student when there was a sub. Many times breakfast at a nearby fast food place was much more appealing than sitting in class listening to someone who has no idea what they are talking about pretending like they are in charge. No sub. You have no authority.

Well what goes around comes around. Though I have not actually subbed yet, I will be doing some long term subbing later which admittedly is not the same branch, but is part of the same tree.

Anyway, I turn in the paperwork and get my fingers printed and then about two weeks later I show up for the orientation. I forgot what time is started so I ended up being a half hour early. There was one other person in a dark, concrete room set up with a bunch of folding chairs. So I sit and wait and read and then the room slowly starts filling up. One lady who sat in front of me was very chatty and we talked for a bit about who knows what. The room ends up being packed except for the chair next to me.

I don't know about you, but I like having a chair buffer on either side of me. and if there is an empty chair beside me, I like to keep it that way when I am surrounded by strangers. Well my life loves playing little jokes on me, keeps me on my toes, and right before the meeting started, just as I was celebrating the serendipitous extra space next to me, a flustered, uncoordinated man with a cane came and plopped himself right next to me. He was also broad, thus taking up a nice portion of my chair.

You how that goes. It's awesome.

So then the orientation begins. Keep in mind that this is what they are telling substitutes that have covered the classes you attended. There was a reason we didn't give them any credit.

First item of business: No touching students. No rubbing their shoulders, no lacing your fingers when giving a high five, no hugging, no entering their bubble. (Much like the man next to me was in my bubble, no beuno)

What? People honestly have to be told this? The people who need this spelled out should not be here.


Second item of business: Do not bring up any inappropriate topics. Do not ever say the word 'sex' or anything else. Students will go home and tell their parents and you will be promptly released from employment.

Really? People don't just know this? Geez there are a lot of idiots out there.


Third item of business: Do what the teacher indicates on the lesson plan should be done.

This is third? This is the whole reason substitutes exist. 


And then they spent 45 minutes teaching us how to maneuver the website. I will always pitty the older generation and their confusion of modern technology.

Did I mention I was easily the youngest person there?

Back to the gentleman beside me. There was a moment when I really, legitimately thought he had special needs. And I say that with complete honesty and absolutely no disrespect for those who do have special needs. I'm pretty sure he isn't, but some of his behavior was not what I have come to expect from adults...something was definitely off. And this person has just as good of a chance as I do to be responsible for a class for an entire day if not longer. That's frightening. No wonder public education has gone to pot.

Being pretty fresh from the system myself, I know that if he was my substitute, I would not have given him the time of day. Shorter than me, greasy hair, troubling formulating and speaking thoughts, not really shaven with an abnormal amount of lengthy nose hair.

He is going to be eaten alive.

And they showed us these gems as part of the "training".

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment.

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington