Christmas Cards: Loosely Based on Real Life

Christmas Cards. An age old tradition, which I have never understood. I don't really care to read through the ones that get sent to my parents and I certainly don't care to send them out. But one was out on the counter the other day and I read it and had to suppress gags. I have never read something so flowery and so unrealistic and then it hit me; the reason I don't like Christmas cards is because they are a total misrepresentation of real life.

What a typical letter would say vs what actually happened.

'This year has been a land mark year full of great accomplishments and happy events.'

Reality: Stuff happened this year like it does every year, sometimes it was awesome, sometimes it wasn't as awesome.

'I graduated from a wonderful University receiving Honors and beloved by all my professors.'

Reality: I did in fact graduate, from a University that I do love and hold very dear to my heart (haters will hate) that did just have a publicized debate concerning skinny jeans. I have a decent GPA and a couple of my professors probably remember my name...one of them being my Uncle...

'I completed my student teaching with flying colors, loved by all faculty and students and am guaranteed a job next fall.'

Reality: Student teaching went well, I got some really sweet notes from my students when I left. I will be considered for a job opening.

'I picked up several new hobbies including innovative crafting and excellent cooking.'

Reality: I spent a lot of time on Pinterest looking at cute things I'd like to make someday.

'I wrote a book.'

Reality: I wrote in my journal.

'And I was published.'

Reality: I press 'Publish' every time I write a blog post.

'I have been praised by all and sought after for my singing talent.'

Reality: Sometimes I sing in the shower.

'I am wanted all over the country by those who are seeking advisement on baton twirling.'

Reality: I completely made that up, but I do enjoy watching 'Miss Congeniality'.

'Life has handed me nothing but lemonade and every person I interact with is the metaphorical sugar.'

Reality: Sometimes people really bug and my eye twitches whenever someone does or says something stupid.

'I am so looking forward to 2012 and the many wonderful and exciting adventures that are to come.'

Reality: I just figured out I am lactose intolerant.

'Wishing you a life as happy and perfect as mine! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!'

Reality: I hope you think that I have no worries or troubles in my life whatsoever because I eat sunshine for breakfast and poop butterflies. I also hope you have enjoyed reading all about me because chances are I will have no reason to talk to you again until next year when I send out yet another 'all about how wonderful I am' letter to everyone I have ever corresponded with and managed to get an address too.

P.S. My family is perfect and completely normal too.




Reality: