Extreme Makeover: Room Edition

This post has been in the works for a really long time. I redid my room this summer, when I moved home semi-permanently, with immense help from my mom. My room's appearance took 180 turn. The last time it was done, I was eight. My mom and aunt worked together to sponge the walls dusty pink, my mom picked out bedding, made curtains and chose wall paper which made up my room from 1998 until April 2011. That's a long time. Needless to say, the room had many degrees as I grew up, toys and coloring supplies turned to clothes and makeup and then books and shoes.

Those who know me know that I like bright colors, I am fairly eclectic but also like a simplicity to things. When I moved home, being an almost college grad, my mom let me have free reign on my walls and so forth, choosing colors, paint and all the rest. Sometimes this made her very nervous. Like when I told her I wanted my walls to be a vibrant shade spring green. I also have collected many decorations and wall things while living on my own and I wanted to incorporate all of them regardless of color (my other colors were a steel blue and a jalapeno red with a bird motif). But she let me have my way nonetheless and the finished product is everything I imagined. I didn't have to do without any of my beloved decorating items and I love every aspect of my 'new' room.

In true reality TV fashion, I forgot to take pictures of my room before we started dismantling it, so the before pictures make my room look like a total train wreck with lots of things already moved out plus, I didn't really bother moving back in because we started the makeover as soon as I moved home. So take the' before' pictures with a grain of salt.

Dusty Rose:

Messy messy messy

My poor disheveled bookcase

Inventory of what we did: stripped walls of paper, painted and stenciled walls, new frames and matts for my 'coming of age' pictures (taken when I was 8, 12, 16 and 20) new bed and bedding, new nobs for dresser, painted desk, hung all my various decorations, got all my books into mostly the same place, new bed side table, new lamps and shades, my mom made a new curtain thing and pillows that incorporated the red I wanted and courtesy of my dad, my 2:4 ratio of working outlets improved to 4:4. 

My New Room:

When my dad got home from work after we'd put on the first coat of green, I asked him what he thought, he said '.....looks.....creative!' After the rest was done he said it looks great and is by no means overwhelming.

Trinkets from school I am by no means ready to part with.

Look at all my books! Quite possibly my favorite part of my room.

My desk 

I got that clock for .75 cents at a garage sale. Best purchase ever.

Three birds framed, inspired by a picture on pinterest. Sometime they do work out!

And by some miracle, my dusty rose chair still works.

Many more trinkets and pictures.

So there you have it! A new room for not that expensive. Granted it took a couple of weeks to get everything completely done, but I love it! Totally worth the wait.

And to finish it off, here is my nephew being awesome in 3D glasses.

Cooking Shows

Ever wonder when watching a cooking show if what the over-energized, perfectly quaffed person made went terribly wrong and actually tasted disgusting? But they had to keep a straight face when taste testing cause they just spent the last half hour chopping the rutabaga into perfect hexagons?

I do.

HARRY POTTER

I am a major Harry Potter nerd. I love it. If you don't love it, I don't want to hear about, you don't know what you are missing out on and should probably just stop reading, nothing past this point will make any sense.

Did anyone else get completely duped by Snape and didn't realize until the seventh book that he really was on the good side? I was. I thought he was such a scab and didn't deserve the air he breathed and then the seventh book happened and I was like 'Oh, my bad, you are an ok person even if you were really greasy sometimes' (but I LOVE the whole secret love story so so much). Well I just finished rereading the fourth book and realized that there is proof that shows Snape's true character, all the way back then. I just have to share it. I'll set the scene.

After the third task in the Tri-Wizard tournament, Barty Crouch Jr. who is disguised as Mad Eye Moody takes Harry into his office to interrogate him. While questioning Harry, Barty doesn't realize that Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape are coming in, but Harry is aware because of a fun little contraption in Moody's office called a Foe-Glass, which lets you know if there is an enemy approaching. Well, Dumbledore forces the door open and stuns Barty, then

"[Dumbledore] stepped into the office, placed a foot beneath Moody's unconscious body, and kicked him over onto his back, so that his face was visible. Snape followed him, looking into the Foe-Glass, where is own face was still visible, glaring into the room."

WHY THE HECK WOULD SNAPE BE SEEN AS AN ENEMY TO A DEATH EATER IF HE WAS A DEATH EATER HIMSELF?!?

Book Four people. JK Rowling is a brilliant genius.

And whether period drama or fantastical series, I will always love Alan Rickman.

Christmas Cards: Loosely Based on Real Life

Christmas Cards. An age old tradition, which I have never understood. I don't really care to read through the ones that get sent to my parents and I certainly don't care to send them out. But one was out on the counter the other day and I read it and had to suppress gags. I have never read something so flowery and so unrealistic and then it hit me; the reason I don't like Christmas cards is because they are a total misrepresentation of real life.

What a typical letter would say vs what actually happened.

'This year has been a land mark year full of great accomplishments and happy events.'

Reality: Stuff happened this year like it does every year, sometimes it was awesome, sometimes it wasn't as awesome.

'I graduated from a wonderful University receiving Honors and beloved by all my professors.'

Reality: I did in fact graduate, from a University that I do love and hold very dear to my heart (haters will hate) that did just have a publicized debate concerning skinny jeans. I have a decent GPA and a couple of my professors probably remember my name...one of them being my Uncle...

'I completed my student teaching with flying colors, loved by all faculty and students and am guaranteed a job next fall.'

Reality: Student teaching went well, I got some really sweet notes from my students when I left. I will be considered for a job opening.

'I picked up several new hobbies including innovative crafting and excellent cooking.'

Reality: I spent a lot of time on Pinterest looking at cute things I'd like to make someday.

'I wrote a book.'

Reality: I wrote in my journal.

'And I was published.'

Reality: I press 'Publish' every time I write a blog post.

'I have been praised by all and sought after for my singing talent.'

Reality: Sometimes I sing in the shower.

'I am wanted all over the country by those who are seeking advisement on baton twirling.'

Reality: I completely made that up, but I do enjoy watching 'Miss Congeniality'.

'Life has handed me nothing but lemonade and every person I interact with is the metaphorical sugar.'

Reality: Sometimes people really bug and my eye twitches whenever someone does or says something stupid.

'I am so looking forward to 2012 and the many wonderful and exciting adventures that are to come.'

Reality: I just figured out I am lactose intolerant.

'Wishing you a life as happy and perfect as mine! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!'

Reality: I hope you think that I have no worries or troubles in my life whatsoever because I eat sunshine for breakfast and poop butterflies. I also hope you have enjoyed reading all about me because chances are I will have no reason to talk to you again until next year when I send out yet another 'all about how wonderful I am' letter to everyone I have ever corresponded with and managed to get an address too.

P.S. My family is perfect and completely normal too.




Reality:

Substitute Teaching

Glorified Babysitting.

Now let me tell you what I really think.

I am done student teaching and am now waiting to get all the necessary documentation to become a real life teacher, so I am keeping my options open to fill my 'in the meantime'. So I became a 'certified' substitute teacher in a school district near where I live. Becoming a substitute teacher is literally easier than grocery shopping. You don't even need to be interviewed. There are two steps.

1. Fill out three pages of work and school history and contact information.

2. Attend an orientation meeting.

With no regulations, no wonder it attracts so many weirdies. I was one of those students who hated substitutes unless it was math and then I was glad to have a free day. We all know that's what a sub means. Free day of movie, worksheet and napping. This is exactly what is not wanted by the teacher, school and district, but it just happens anyway.

I will be honest and say that I definitely was not the model student when there was a sub. Many times breakfast at a nearby fast food place was much more appealing than sitting in class listening to someone who has no idea what they are talking about pretending like they are in charge. No sub. You have no authority.

Well what goes around comes around. Though I have not actually subbed yet, I will be doing some long term subbing later which admittedly is not the same branch, but is part of the same tree.

Anyway, I turn in the paperwork and get my fingers printed and then about two weeks later I show up for the orientation. I forgot what time is started so I ended up being a half hour early. There was one other person in a dark, concrete room set up with a bunch of folding chairs. So I sit and wait and read and then the room slowly starts filling up. One lady who sat in front of me was very chatty and we talked for a bit about who knows what. The room ends up being packed except for the chair next to me.

I don't know about you, but I like having a chair buffer on either side of me. and if there is an empty chair beside me, I like to keep it that way when I am surrounded by strangers. Well my life loves playing little jokes on me, keeps me on my toes, and right before the meeting started, just as I was celebrating the serendipitous extra space next to me, a flustered, uncoordinated man with a cane came and plopped himself right next to me. He was also broad, thus taking up a nice portion of my chair.

You how that goes. It's awesome.

So then the orientation begins. Keep in mind that this is what they are telling substitutes that have covered the classes you attended. There was a reason we didn't give them any credit.

First item of business: No touching students. No rubbing their shoulders, no lacing your fingers when giving a high five, no hugging, no entering their bubble. (Much like the man next to me was in my bubble, no beuno)

What? People honestly have to be told this? The people who need this spelled out should not be here.


Second item of business: Do not bring up any inappropriate topics. Do not ever say the word 'sex' or anything else. Students will go home and tell their parents and you will be promptly released from employment.

Really? People don't just know this? Geez there are a lot of idiots out there.


Third item of business: Do what the teacher indicates on the lesson plan should be done.

This is third? This is the whole reason substitutes exist. 


And then they spent 45 minutes teaching us how to maneuver the website. I will always pitty the older generation and their confusion of modern technology.

Did I mention I was easily the youngest person there?

Back to the gentleman beside me. There was a moment when I really, legitimately thought he had special needs. And I say that with complete honesty and absolutely no disrespect for those who do have special needs. I'm pretty sure he isn't, but some of his behavior was not what I have come to expect from adults...something was definitely off. And this person has just as good of a chance as I do to be responsible for a class for an entire day if not longer. That's frightening. No wonder public education has gone to pot.

Being pretty fresh from the system myself, I know that if he was my substitute, I would not have given him the time of day. Shorter than me, greasy hair, troubling formulating and speaking thoughts, not really shaven with an abnormal amount of lengthy nose hair.

He is going to be eaten alive.

And they showed us these gems as part of the "training".

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment.

After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington

Not a College Drop Out

So I basically have all but my degree in hand. I have had my final evaluations, reviews and reflections and passed (ten credits of A would have been nicer than ten credits of P, but I'll take what I can get). I have completed the last step in a long process of getting my college degree. I am now waiting for that little, embossed piece of paper to come to me in the mail so I can put in it the gold encrusted folder I got in April.

So why do I feel like I just got out of high school?

Granted it wasn't too long ago I was walking through the halls of my HS alma mater, and it probably didn't help that one of my students the other day asked me if I had graduated college, when I said 'almost' she said,
'You still look like you're in high school.'
Hey thanks.

All things considered,  I did learn a lot in college (cue sigh of relief from my parents). I learned lots about English, like how to write an essay in a post modern lens on an article a critic wrote in a feminist lens that was written about psychoanalytic book. And how to diagram gerunds, compound sentences and past participles. Also how to speed read novels and still catch the stuff that will be discussed in class. Lots of nerdy English stuff, but more than that, college is one of those things that you just get better at as you go through. You 'learn the ropes'. I believe I did a pretty good job in assimilating myself into the college world and completing it as well as one could have hoped. I, being an almost fresh college grad, want to share those little tips with anyone interested, I'm sure you'll be able to relate and hopefully realize you're pretty good at college too.

1. Buying books will always infuriate you. 

As my poetry professor said on day in class at a very conservative university 'what they do to you at the book store starts with 'R' and ends in 'ape''. And how correct he is. Yet somehow, but the end of the semester, I held onto the $45 with a surprising amount happiness (probably cause it's the only cash I'll have all semester) that I got back for the $400 worth of books I bought at the beginning. I tried out the alternatives, I bought books from Amazon for half the price and stressed about getting them here on time. I bought them from the small independent book sellers in Rexburg but they didn't always have the right edition (which will screw you every time. For one rewritten sentence in the index). It is just so convenient to buy from the book store, but at every single check out, I wondered if I would be getting my $75 worth out of those three pages stapled together and that that staple better be made of solid gold.

2. You will hate yourself for putting off that giant assignment that is due at 8 am, which is in 6 hours. 

Somethings we will simply never learn. One of them is most giant projects only get suckier the closer the due date is. No matter how many times you have cursed yourself for having to write a 10 page paper in one sitting, or for having do your entire midterm project in one night, or having a huge test to study for that closes in an hour, we all have more than one experience of this happening. I'm a pretty organized and diligent student and this happened to me plenty.

After about three semesters I think I figured out why we never learn to stop our procrastination and I learned to look at this constant predicament from a new perspective. 'This will make a great story someday' and 'why do homework when you could play now, and take care of that stuff later'. You are in college. You are making memories that will last you your whole life. You will not remember spending an evening in the library writing a paper like a responsible young adult. But you will remember going on an adventure, possibly seriously injuring someones car, going to a fantastic Mom and Pop restaurant or having a karaoke fest in your apartment and then writing that paper at one in the morning. In my humble opinion, I'll take option two (and lived to tell the tale). And we all know that for some reason, the papers we write at one in the morning turn out a decent grade anyway.

3. For girls: Crying does help, but save it for your apartment and keep it to twice a semester tops.

Sometimes all you need is a good cry for no real reason other than you have a lot to do. I found that during those moments of mass emotion, a great companion are baked goods or the food your roommates offer you. But if you are crying on campus, you will probably be brought up at people's apartments you don't know that night as the 'random girl that was crying for no reason in a corner by herself'. Take it home, let it out and then get started on whatever it is that made you cry in the first place.

4. Food will always taste better if you didn't have to buy or cook it.

No matter how much you enjoy cooking, when you are in school, it will always taste better if you don't have to make it and it may as well be Parisian cuisine if you don't have to pay for it either. Whether a roommate cooked it, someone took you to dinner, someone brought over baked things, a catered school or church sponsored event, on a day when you have been at work, school and extra curricular all day, the last thing you want to worry about it preparing something or going and getting something. Sometimes you just get lucky and food all but falls in your lap. One of the blessing of just living your life right.


4a. Food fixes any problem.

Bad day? Brownies.
Tons of homework? Ice cream.
Really tired? Quesadilla.
Bad mood? Burger and fries.

On the flip side, no problems? Make a good day great.

Fun with friends? Get a carton of Eggnog to finish of in a matter of five minutes.
Watching your favorite movie? Make a cake with lots of add ins and frosting.
Good date? Talk it over with roommates when you get home while eating the weight of a large cat in chips and salsa.


5. Sleep comes in all forms, in all places and at any time.

This may be biased because I have no qualms when it comes to sleeping in public, but when you are in school, sleep in a perk and you take advantage of it anytime it presents itself, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. I slept all the time, but here's the kicker and the mark of an expert, never sleeping in class. I slept on benches, in overstuffed chairs, against walls, in library carrolls or on the grass in nice weather. If there was ever a half hour break in between classes I knew exactly which of my favorite nap places was on the way to my next class, I'd set my phone alarm and allow the power nap to commence.

For those of you at BYU-I the best places are those little blue benches in the Hart, the chairs on the landing in the Hinckley, the couches with the automatons in the Ricks or the second floor of the library on a whole. But try hard as I may (and believe me I did since I was there all the time), there is nowhere good to sleep in the Smith.

Campus' wouldn't have such comfy furniture if they didn't expect people to sleep on it. It's an invitation, graciously and fairly frequently accepted by yours truly...And I loved every minute of it.

6. Always have an internal backup plan.

Everyone fails at least one test in school. If you haven't yet, it'll come. If you never did, I don't want to know. I blatantly failed one test my second semester. It was humanities and very poorly written. I took the test and went to Women's Chorus which was my last class where I was holding back tears all through choir (see 'crying does help, just not on campus'). I thought my life was over. I thought that from there on out I was going to do terrible and that I was never going to get my grades up and that I should just quit now and a lot of other over dramatic things.

Then I realized that I could always just retake the class. Yeah that would suck and cost that much more tuition and set you back that much but (being a very grade oriented person) at least I could replace that crappy grade with a respectable one. This thought process followed me until my last semester, because by your last semester, you can't really be counting on retaking classes unless you want to delay your graduation 4 months. As life would have it, I never had to retake a class, but I tell you, every single midterm, I honestly saw myself signing up for at least one of those classes again, and then that made everything better, knowing that there was something I could do to make up for my current oversights

The sooner you have your own backup plan, the happier and less stressed you will be, even if you never actually use it.


Lastly, 7. homework will always get done. 

I don't know how, but every assignment I stressed about for weeks, every paper I had no idea how to start, every book I thought I could not get through, somehow always got done. Homework and school are so important and I am clearly a full advocate of getting your education (that whole becoming a teaching thing) but I also am a firm advocate of keeping your sanity. If you stress out and spend all of your time on homework, you will hate your life and turn in crappy homework. If you take a break, clear your mind, trust yourself and have a little fun, I guarantee you will get your homework done faster, with better quality and as previously stated, while living your college experience to the fullest.

Unlike Santa, the Tooth Fairy and Global Warming, Stupid Questions DO Exist.

I don't care what your over-indulgent mother told you, stupid questions do exist and they do so in mass quantities. I encounter at least 2 a period on a good day. (Comes with the territory, I know).

Through my schooling and other experiences, I have found that there are some things that are simply not innate in all human beings, namely common sense, tact, and mental/verbal filters. May be so bold to say that I believe I possess at least traces of all of these things and can therefore be a fair judge of when these oh-so-important social qualities are missing.

Anyway. Stupid Questions.

Ms. Kern: 'Please get out one piece of blank paper for each table.'
Student: (Holding up a piece of blank lined paper) 'Does this work?'
Ms. Kern: 'Is it blank?'
Student: 'Oh...yeah...'

Student: 'Do you want us to write that whole thing?'
Ms. Kern: 'What do you think?'
Student: (Starts writing)

Student: 'I don't have a pencil.'
Ms. Kern: 'Sounds like a personal problem.'
Student: (Blank stare)
Ms. Kern: 'Ask your friends for one.'

Student (who was absent for a chapter of the book we are reading in class): 'Can you quickly summarize chapter 4 for me?'
Ms. Kern: 'No, but you can check out book and read it at home.'
Student: 'I don't really want to...'
Ms. Kern: 'Great. Read it tonight like you're supposed to when you're gone.' (hands begrudged student a book who then asks when my cooperating teacher is going to be back. I so wanted to say 'She doesn't like you either', but instead I said 'I'll be here until Thanksgiving.' That whole tact thing).

Student: 'Do we have a Quick Write today?'
Ms. Kern: 'Do we do a Quick Write everyday?'
Student: 'Yes.'
Ms. Kern: 'There you go.'

One day we were in the computer lab writing their survival stories as part of their current unit. I had just given my little speech about how the word 'I' should always be capitalized and whenever I see it lower case a little bit of my soul dies. In my seventh period this cute boy calls me over and with complete seriousness asks me 'What if it doesn't do it for me?' Praying he isn't meaning what I think he is I ask 'What if what doesn't do it for you?'

'Capitalize the 'I'.'

Eye twitch.

'What do you think the shift button is for?'

The kid next to him just looked up at me and smiled. Thank goodness not all of my student have been ruined by auto correct and texting.

I find a kind of pleasure from turning questions that really don't have to be iterated back on the student. Too many people go through life thinking that everything is going to spelled out for them and that everything they say should be documented. Such is not the case, even with adults. I love having students answer their own dumb questions by asking them dumb questions back. The best part, it works. The stupid I'm-just-to-lazy-to-figure-it-out-myself questions have diminished immensely since the beginning of the year. I have also developed an amazing pointing talent. I am really good at pointing at stuff when they ask me stupid questions they know the answers to.

Student: 'I wasn't here yesterday what did we....'
Ms. Kern: (pointing at the clearly labeled 'What We Did While You Were Gone' basket)

Student: (Concerning the daily journals on a Friday) 'What do we write down for Wednesday and Thursday...'
Ms Kern: (pointing at the board where is says 'Wednesday: Pre-test, Thursday: Comp Lab')
Student: 'No. Wednesday and Thursday.'
Ms. Kern: (still pointing)
Student: (turns around to see what is being pointed at) 'Oh, haha, I didn't read that.'

Yes, stupid questions are a fact of anyone's life who works with people, particularly young adults. I tolerate them, but I do not enable them. I believe it is one of those hard lessons that just needs to be learned and I am more than ok with helping start the process.