Back to My German Roots

I don't know how it happened and I have no idea how to stop it, but for about the last year, I have been receiving periodic newsletters from a German company.

About a year ago I received an email that was all in German that was confirming an order in my name. I was a bit concerned when I got it since I hadn't made any online purchases recently and I confess I have never actually turned to the German market to satisfy my needs. I cut and pasted the type into freetranslation.com and saw that three bras had been purchased. They were not cheap before the exchange rate and I could only imagine the damage to my account that could be ensuing. As I checked my with my bank I thought, 'Those had better be some freaking nice bras' but no money had been taken out so I then concluded this email was sent in error and promptly forgot about it (a clearly traumatizing experience). Then a couple weeks later I got the first newsletter. I figured it was just another sent-in-error thing and disregarded it. A year later, the emails haven't stopped and honestly, I can't say I mind.

I thought about it a little and remembered that my name is very Germanic. First and last, I would fit right into any German mailing list like Sally Hansen fits on an American one. So I am pretty sure that I am receiving some German Erika's email.

The content changes from time to time, it was make up for a long time, lately it has been clothing. I would love to tell you more, but I only look at the pictures seeing as I don't speak a lick of German save pleasantries after someone sneezes or opens a door for you.

Anyway, I have started to look forward to receiving these emails for reasons I am not sure of myself. I see the German subject line and skim over the email and then trash it, but they make me smile every time. I found one waiting for me this morning and I just had to share it.

Be sure to check out about halfway down where the girl in a black coat lets us know it's 'cool to be warm!'. Nothing like an English tag line to spice up a German advertisement.

Slackers, Sabotage and Seating Charts

Think back to when you were in public school. Did you ever walk into class sit down just to find out that your teacher randomly changed the seating chart? That all of the sudden you would have to get used to a whole new view of the classroom, new people around you and struggle to remember what new seat you are now in?

That was not just happenstance folks. That was teacher sabotage.

Today at school the kids could not shut up. If they weren't keeping the entire class updated on their every move, they were calling out every thought that entered their mind. Noise, noise, noise all day long, no matter how many times we called their attention to us, it was gone again after one sentence. So, my cooperating teacher and I sat down together after school and hand-crafted an entire new seating chart for every class.

It was so satisfying.

Again, think back to your middle school days, do you remember that girl with the perma-tude? What about that boy that was super obliviously awkward? Or that one with the dumb jokes that would talk to a wall if no one was by him? Or that girl who gives you a play-by-play of her mental process? What about all those anomalies that make middle school what it is? 

Perma-tude, you now sit by Play-by-Play girl. Wall talker, meet Obliviously Awkward. Other boy who won't be quiet, say hello to Won't-talk-for-the-life-of-her-Asian-girl. Annoying boy, you're now surrounded by three girls. Needy student by teachers desk, you're across the room now because we don't need you to talk to us every time we sit down. Oh you're best friends? Not in my class.

All it took was the simple click of a button, a rearrangement of their six grade pictures and instant happiness ensued. Sweet Victory.

Of course we also broke up some potential bullying hot-spots, kept together friends that work well together and genuinely fixed the seating chart so it'll improve the environment overall. But trust me when I say, I am super excited to see the looks on some of their faces when they get their new table mate. 

As the teacher, we will assign the new seats as though it was run of the mill, nothing big and nothing personal while the student complain they are no longer by their friends. We will look at them blankly like we didn't even notice we broke up such a strong bond when really it's a series of mental celebratory fist pumps and a sense reinstating control. 

Maybe that'll teach you.

Chess. A Seventh Graders Nemesis.

Roughly 85% of seventh graders don't know how to play chess. Cue monologue.

There I am, standing the back of a full computer lab while my little sevies take a reading placement test. Like any sensible teacher, we let the students play chess on the computer once they have completed the exam in order to maintain the zero talking rule. I think nothing of it. Chess is common knowledge right? Comes with the territory of...life doesn't it? It's a big brothers, fathers or grandfathers duty to teach everyone in their family how to play...am I right?

Apparently not.

I first notice a young lady trying to move a pawn all the way across the board, to no avail. Then she tried to move the knight to the places the pawn couldn't go. Again, no avail. Then the rook and you guessed it, the rook cannot jump diagonally across the entire opposing team of pieces. Finally she gets the pawn to move forward one. I watch in amusement and a little disbelief. 'She really has no idea how to play' keeps running through my mind. Then I pan out and look at other kids playing chess with the same random, nonsensical moves.

'My gosh, these kids have no idea how to play chess.'

This happened period after period.

I wanted so badly to go to the the board and diagram the 'L' the knight moves in, show that the bishop only goes diagonally and the rook only straight. That pawns are the ones to sacrifice. That the king is basically an invalid and the queen has all the power! Sadly, that would have been way over their heads. I did see some of them rocking their games of chess, maneuvering and strategizing as much as a twelve year old knows how to, which did make me feel better about their generation, but then I'd see an entire row of students essentially reenacting the French Revolution with team computer as the guillotine.

I quietly reminisced about those afternoons I learned and played chess in my brothers room because I was the only one who would play with him. Who cares if I'm not actually sure if to this day I have won a game ever, at least I can explain it.

In other seventh grade news, the realization hit that cursive will never be mandatory again and we couldnt care less what color pen you use. Also, please don't ask me if you can go blow your nose, I'd rather not be made aware of your sinus congestion. Go ahead and clear it out as necessary. Tissues are made available for your convenience.

The Acquired Taste of Awkward

What's more awkward than silence? Seventh Graders.

So it is official. After talking about it for months, I have finally started my student teaching. I haven't done too much yet seeing as school doesn't start for the district until Monday, but I have met all my 7th graders for a half day orientation and there are a couple things I have noticed.

Seventh grade is the most awkward pubescent stage. Of your whole life.

Some boys are already shaving, using a stick of deodorant a week and covered in acne while others still have their baby fat, peach fuzz and have yet to make it to five foot.

Some girls have absolutely mastered the straightener and mascara while others...might not know what those things are...

Along with enough metal in braces to line the streets of Tokyo.

Nonetheless! They are so great. They're silent when you're talking, laugh at the dumbest things, can't make a joke let alone take one, don't realize we did hear them, we're just ignoring them, follow directions immediately, bring all of office depot in their small animal sized binders and look at you like you are the coolest things since they learned about manual windows. I know. We're talking big time here.

Meanwhile I am getting used to introducing myself as Ms. Kern and not laughing when they call each other names. It's a lot harder than you would think. But I am loving every minute of it! Bring on the awkward because if it kills me they will be texting in complete sentences with the correct your, you're and there their and they're because yes friends, it does matter and it does make a difference.

A Week of Extraordinary Events

If you haven't noticed yet, I basically have the best friends and family ever. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I wouldn't trade the people in my life for anything. The week leading up to my birthday was one that is incomparable to any week I have had concerning people reaching out to me and helping me so much. It was so fun and so many things went on that were 100% successful.

My mom threw me a Murder Mystery dinner party that my best friends were invited to attend as well. It was admittedly kind of an eclectic group and it was SO fun. The costumes were great, the story was intriguing and the jokes were hilarious. It was a Luau and my backyard has never felt more like Hawaii.

The fabulous table my mom set.

The more than perfect screen Ali and Drew found at Savers

And the characters/costumes!

The Ladies:

The Gentlemen:

 As couples:

 And the group!

 It was so much fun to have everyone all dressed up and  enjoy an evening with some relatively high brow humor...and delicious food prepared by my awesome mom.

The next day I happened to go to the this concert

And it was awesome. Think what you will, but I love punk-pop, always have. This was such a fun concert and you know when they throw out their guitar picks and stuff? Well I am not one to go jumping all over to get one, but the summer set lead guitarist literally hit me with his pick. The girls in front of me were totally jealous. But it was rightfully mine since I was inadvertently the last person to touch it. So that basically made my night, but then later, one of the people I was with I guess caught a drum stick that was thrown out from We the Kings and gave it to me! So that too was a more than pleasant surprise and I have the best souvenirs ever! Here they are, in all their glory.

Next up, my dear friends got together and created the decorations for my the upcoming birthday party. We were all up and crafting and it was so much fun. I so appreciate them for all their hard work. It turned out so cute (pictures below) and I could not have done it without them. We also decided we are started in a crafting circle. It'll happen. 

Then for all my momma does for me, she and I went on a mom-daughter date to see this movie:

 

Because we both have read and loved the book. It really is one of those stories that changes your entire perspective on what life was like not that long ago. The movie was so true to the book which is greatly appreciated by all those who read the book and loved it. I recommend it a hundred times over. And Emma Stone is one of my favorites and she definitely did not disappoint with this performance. 

The next day, my good friend Vicki whose birthday is only a week before mine went out to celebrate our days. It was so fun, we have been doing this for the last 4 years I think and it has been my pleasure to see her turn 19! 

I love our silly faces. Very much encapsulates our relationship and personalities fully. After we went to Jamba we went to target to look around since Vicki had a gift card there. She loves movies so we naturally went over there and were looking around. She grabs House Bunny with no hesitation as well as Marley and Me. It made my life and just proved again that she is my girl! 

So since I turned 21 I figured that a mocktail was the perfect way to celebrate the occasion. My friends helped me get the decorations ready, my mom and I got the drinks and food, my dad cleaned up the yard so that everything would be at its very best for the event. It turned out to be so much fun and I just felt an outpouring of love and support from all those who attended. It was great! And I will let the pictures do the rest of the explaining!

The Drink Table

The Refreshment Table

The Pinwheels, compliments of Ali

Croquet and Pinwheels

My grandparents came too :)

Me and my Dad

Vicki in her beautiful dress!

I know, I have got some good looking friends

Cause why not?

The best friends that could be asked for!

Drew took all the pictures, so awesome

We had a nasty shot.

It was super sour.

Bottoms up!

So the guys at the end decided to take some of our Jewish heritage into practice and they lifted me on my chair. I loved it. Haylee joined in too

Winding down

And then shout out to my mom for making me my dress and finding me my shoes. I got compliments that should have been given to her, best little black dress ever.

So there it is. All this before my birthday even occurred. Like I said. I have the best family and friends ever. It was the greatest birthday week ever!